You smell like stripper and shame
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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