i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
