One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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