Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
