Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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