If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
