I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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