He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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