On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
