the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My life is pants optional.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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