If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
