you guys were way drunker than both of me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
