Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
