I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
