I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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