I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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