I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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