She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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