i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
