I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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