somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
3 2 1 whiskey
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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