3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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