Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
