I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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