i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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