I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
