chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
