yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
