I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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