the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
