yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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