On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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