I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
