No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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