hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
