i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
