good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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