Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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