That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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