I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
