We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize