I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drake has all the answers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
