you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
