Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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