I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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