Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize