your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize