it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
