I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
