this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
