Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
