i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
