I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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