the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize