his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
