i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
