I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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