dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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