Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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