my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
