She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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