i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
