I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
