Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize