Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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