My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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