i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize