i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize