Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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