He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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